Guys, I lost something really important. It is something that only I can have and without it, I am lost.
It is accountability.
Yeah, I lost it with the binge eating, going out of control, telling myself I can have a little when for me, a little really is a gateway to a lot.
Valentines day wrecked it for me. Depression, sadness, hopelessness, jealousy, anger, frustration, ect... all at a time where there is chocolate everywhere, cheap and accessible. So, in short, an over all loss of control on all emotional fronts.
Yesterday at TOPS, I realized that I don't want to be 70 and like the ladies there, blaming any and everything except myself. In the end, we are the only ones putting food in our mouths. We are the ones who buy what we eat, we choose what we eat. While sometimes it may feel like we don't have a choice in things, we do!
We choose how we react to things.
Who does it hurt when we eat a one pound chocolate bunny when someone hurts our feelings? Certainly not the person who hurt us as they are probably unaware that they hurt us. If they won't listen to us when we try to tell them they hurt us, even then, we have no right to punish ourselves with food.
Even if no one else will, we should respect and love ourselves enough to treat ourselves with dignity, respect and love.
Truth.
Anyway, I'm getting reeeeeally tired of Facebook too. I'm in a food addiction group and some of the people grate on my nerves. It's also hard to see others do so well and be successful while I struggle so hard. When I do good, I'm great but when I fall, I fall hard.
It's also sickening to see all the Shakeology pushing. Ugh. The photos of "On Point" eating with way less than a thousand calories of food for the day. Ect... ect... ect... The things I internalize to make me feel like a failure even though it has nothing at all to do with me. I feel terrible I am not happy with other peoples progress and success. I hate that it makes me feel like a failure.
I'm only a failure if I give up.
Sooooo with that in mind, today, I'm going fresh. I'm taking back my accountability. I don't have to do it all at once but I will do what I can.
What I have been doing:
I finally got a WiiU Fit! YaY! I'm still a teeny tiny bit too heavy to use the balance board but I hold on to a chair when I do the weight ;) . I'm wearing the Fit Meter and it's amazing. It's more than just a pedometer. I think it works better for me than a FitBit. The best thing it, I got the balance board, game and meter for 75% off and tax free! Whoo hoo! Cheaper than a month gym membership and the whole family can use it. Shaylee is loving it. I'm trying to get Mark and Ethan using it. I plan to get them all Fit Meters too.
So daily exercise has been happening. It's been pouring every day but I go for walks when it isn't too bad.
Now, to focus on what I'm eating. Of course, it's Easter weekend, meaning three holiday dinners but I plan to eat modestly and on point ;). I will not eat chocolate. I will give it away if anyone gives me that or candy. I don't need it. I want to be good and get myself on track with myself.
So here is my eating for the day (planned and later modified to reflect what I ate)"
Breakfast: 30g Hot Genoa salami, an ounce of chicken breast, sausage patty , coffee with cream
Lunch: Homemade pork soup with tons of veggies, 100 cal pack guac
Supper: 3oz Honey dijon salmon, 1c ginger bok choy salad, 1/4c cucumbers, a few baby carrots, 1/2c string beans, 1/4c strawberries and heavy whipping cream (1T)
Snack: another salami pack
Other: coffee with cream, lots of water
NO EATING AFTER 8PM! Yes, that is me yelling at myself. Night time eating has become a bad habit I need to break. So water only after 8pm.
Step count at 10:15: 4200
Lots of shopping and I will try to move more.
Here's to a good rest of the day!!
It is accountability.
Yeah, I lost it with the binge eating, going out of control, telling myself I can have a little when for me, a little really is a gateway to a lot.
Valentines day wrecked it for me. Depression, sadness, hopelessness, jealousy, anger, frustration, ect... all at a time where there is chocolate everywhere, cheap and accessible. So, in short, an over all loss of control on all emotional fronts.
Yesterday at TOPS, I realized that I don't want to be 70 and like the ladies there, blaming any and everything except myself. In the end, we are the only ones putting food in our mouths. We are the ones who buy what we eat, we choose what we eat. While sometimes it may feel like we don't have a choice in things, we do!
We choose how we react to things.
Who does it hurt when we eat a one pound chocolate bunny when someone hurts our feelings? Certainly not the person who hurt us as they are probably unaware that they hurt us. If they won't listen to us when we try to tell them they hurt us, even then, we have no right to punish ourselves with food.
Even if no one else will, we should respect and love ourselves enough to treat ourselves with dignity, respect and love.
Truth.
Anyway, I'm getting reeeeeally tired of Facebook too. I'm in a food addiction group and some of the people grate on my nerves. It's also hard to see others do so well and be successful while I struggle so hard. When I do good, I'm great but when I fall, I fall hard.
It's also sickening to see all the Shakeology pushing. Ugh. The photos of "On Point" eating with way less than a thousand calories of food for the day. Ect... ect... ect... The things I internalize to make me feel like a failure even though it has nothing at all to do with me. I feel terrible I am not happy with other peoples progress and success. I hate that it makes me feel like a failure.
I'm only a failure if I give up.
Sooooo with that in mind, today, I'm going fresh. I'm taking back my accountability. I don't have to do it all at once but I will do what I can.
What I have been doing:
I finally got a WiiU Fit! YaY! I'm still a teeny tiny bit too heavy to use the balance board but I hold on to a chair when I do the weight ;) . I'm wearing the Fit Meter and it's amazing. It's more than just a pedometer. I think it works better for me than a FitBit. The best thing it, I got the balance board, game and meter for 75% off and tax free! Whoo hoo! Cheaper than a month gym membership and the whole family can use it. Shaylee is loving it. I'm trying to get Mark and Ethan using it. I plan to get them all Fit Meters too.
So daily exercise has been happening. It's been pouring every day but I go for walks when it isn't too bad.
Now, to focus on what I'm eating. Of course, it's Easter weekend, meaning three holiday dinners but I plan to eat modestly and on point ;). I will not eat chocolate. I will give it away if anyone gives me that or candy. I don't need it. I want to be good and get myself on track with myself.
So here is my eating for the day (planned and later modified to reflect what I ate)"
Breakfast: 30g Hot Genoa salami, an ounce of chicken breast, sausage patty , coffee with cream
Lunch: Homemade pork soup with tons of veggies, 100 cal pack guac
Supper: 3oz Honey dijon salmon, 1c ginger bok choy salad, 1/4c cucumbers, a few baby carrots, 1/2c string beans, 1/4c strawberries and heavy whipping cream (1T)
Snack: another salami pack
Other: coffee with cream, lots of water
NO EATING AFTER 8PM! Yes, that is me yelling at myself. Night time eating has become a bad habit I need to break. So water only after 8pm.
Step count at 10:15: 4200
Lots of shopping and I will try to move more.
Here's to a good rest of the day!!
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