Well, today is weigh in at TOPS and I don't know why I'm dreading it. I hate being hung up on the scale. I wish I could quit but I'm the leader and the group would fall apart because no one is willing to take the responsibility of leadership. I know I shouldn't let that affect me so much but I can't help but care about these ladies who have been in my life the past two years.
Yes, this week is my two year anniversary in TOPS. My first year won me second place in my division for weight loss for my province. Then the next year, I bombed. Depression, OCD, so much life happening. I feel like my life is spent being a pillar of support for everyone around me and I wish I had more support for myself. I long ago stopped lusting after having time to myself because I basically end up doing what I always do.
But I am woman, I am strong. I can overcome, I can hold up the world while crying silent tears inside.
The scale did go down a bit this morning probably because of my plumbing, lol! Man, systems are a go with this way of eating. Number 2's don't even smell bad and pass so easily. Viva le fat!
I had a lot on my mind yesterday I wanted to write about today but the thing that's staring me in the face is how well I am resisting temptation. Literally, I can see 4 big bags of chips from where I am sitting and I am not even tempted.
How can this be? I'm a food addict. I always thrived on binge eating. In the past, I would have ate one of those bags all by myself and hid the evidence, but I'm not going to. Why? What got me to this point?
Lots of things. I have decided I finally want this bad enough. Yes, all the chips and chocolate in the world will never taste as good as conquering my food addiction does. I tell myself, just one WILL hurt. I have to break a lot of bad habits, like taking a swig of milk every time I open the fridge or having a few cookies or chips any time there is an open bag. And the biggest of all, no chocolate.
A year or even a month ago, I would have told anyone they were crazy for ever suggesting a life without chocolate. Well, I know what it tastes like. The actual act of eating it lasts no time at all, unless you're eating a whole box or a family sized bar. The feeling you get while eating it does not last and I have never been satisfied with the amount of chocolate I ate. Ever. The only time I was when I used to snack on raw cacao nibs and that doesn't count because it's not infused with the pleasure center activating fats and sugars, and probably salt too, the dangerous trio of addiction.
I ask myself, do I want this or need it? Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we really need something when we just want it. We convince ourselves we will die without it. That is the addiction talking.
I finally realized the things I needed to so I could move on. There are things I dread, like eating out and what will I do on vacation, but I will handle it when I get there. There are always solutions if we are willing to look and be flexible. I want this to be simple and doable so I can get the addiction under control.
I will post my weigh in deets later.
Supper will be a little treat-ish. The taco shells are going to be make out of cheese but I know I shouldn't eat too many so I will probably have a couple and taco salad.
Meal Plan:
Breakfast: bulletproof coffee, leftover low carb soup (chicken and sausage)
Lunch: roast pork with greens
Supper: Turkey tacos with cheese shells and salad
Yes, this week is my two year anniversary in TOPS. My first year won me second place in my division for weight loss for my province. Then the next year, I bombed. Depression, OCD, so much life happening. I feel like my life is spent being a pillar of support for everyone around me and I wish I had more support for myself. I long ago stopped lusting after having time to myself because I basically end up doing what I always do.
But I am woman, I am strong. I can overcome, I can hold up the world while crying silent tears inside.
The scale did go down a bit this morning probably because of my plumbing, lol! Man, systems are a go with this way of eating. Number 2's don't even smell bad and pass so easily. Viva le fat!
I had a lot on my mind yesterday I wanted to write about today but the thing that's staring me in the face is how well I am resisting temptation. Literally, I can see 4 big bags of chips from where I am sitting and I am not even tempted.
How can this be? I'm a food addict. I always thrived on binge eating. In the past, I would have ate one of those bags all by myself and hid the evidence, but I'm not going to. Why? What got me to this point?
Lots of things. I have decided I finally want this bad enough. Yes, all the chips and chocolate in the world will never taste as good as conquering my food addiction does. I tell myself, just one WILL hurt. I have to break a lot of bad habits, like taking a swig of milk every time I open the fridge or having a few cookies or chips any time there is an open bag. And the biggest of all, no chocolate.
A year or even a month ago, I would have told anyone they were crazy for ever suggesting a life without chocolate. Well, I know what it tastes like. The actual act of eating it lasts no time at all, unless you're eating a whole box or a family sized bar. The feeling you get while eating it does not last and I have never been satisfied with the amount of chocolate I ate. Ever. The only time I was when I used to snack on raw cacao nibs and that doesn't count because it's not infused with the pleasure center activating fats and sugars, and probably salt too, the dangerous trio of addiction.
I ask myself, do I want this or need it? Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we really need something when we just want it. We convince ourselves we will die without it. That is the addiction talking.
I finally realized the things I needed to so I could move on. There are things I dread, like eating out and what will I do on vacation, but I will handle it when I get there. There are always solutions if we are willing to look and be flexible. I want this to be simple and doable so I can get the addiction under control.
I will post my weigh in deets later.
Supper will be a little treat-ish. The taco shells are going to be make out of cheese but I know I shouldn't eat too many so I will probably have a couple and taco salad.
Meal Plan:
Breakfast: bulletproof coffee, leftover low carb soup (chicken and sausage)
Lunch: roast pork with greens
Supper: Turkey tacos with cheese shells and salad
