Last Weekend in January

Ack, I forgot to write yesterday.  I was just having one of those days.  I thought of blogging once or twice but in the end, I didn't.

On Friday we went to Barrington as we haven't been anywhere in sooo long.  When we got there, it started snowing.  By the time we left, it was a super slick, blinding blizzard.  It took twice as long as normal to get home and I was terrified the whole time.  The roads were so bad and everything was covered in a foot of white, making it hard to see where the road was.  We were glad when we finally got home!

We ended up going to McDonalds for lunch.  Here's my delicious meal:

Yep, my McDouble with onions, pickles, mustard and cheese and a large coffee, three creams (I got a refill but I drank it black).  Try to ignore the Big Mac and fries across the table.  I had to ignore three of them :( .  Even though it wasn't a lot of food, it was enough.  I felt satisfied and while what everyone else was eating looked good, I wasn't tempted.  I didn't even think about sneaking fries until after when I realized I didn't!  Every little victory is a good one.

I have been contemplating posting about my abstinence on Facebook.  See, my mother in law invites us out most Sundays for supper.  Last week we didn't go because we were tired out but she was making ham that was boiled in pop and fruit juices then glazed with more fruit and juices and sugar.  It sounds delicious but that's too much sugar.   I always feel rude not eating when going to someone's house for a meal but I am determined to stick with this.  

I am at a critical stage where I am early into recovery.  It is not just about weight loss but also about breaking the bonds of food addiction and obsession.  To take away the triggers that lead me to binge while maintaining the delicate balance of still having to eat.

Last night I almost had a break down.  Hubby and I were shopping and it seemed like there was literally nothing I could have.  Walking past isles and isles of junk food, packaged foods, snacks, treats, it was almost overwhelming.  I almost started crying in the ice cream isle.  You may wonder what I was doing there but it also has cereal, frozen fruit and breakfast foods.  It just struck me, I may never eat this again and I felt sad.

What I did was turn away and walk out of that isle as quickly as possible.   It's hard because I need to find things for my family to eat and I especially need snacks for my son who doesn't eat enough and  needs the calories.  I ended up getting him a couple of bags of what we call "Death Popcorn" (jalapeno and cheddar) and some corn nuts that are popped, not fried and non-gmo, and huge.  I think he's tired of peanut butter sandwiches and bananas, but it's so hard to find anything he likes.

I really want to get my family on a paleo diet, especially my daughter.  She is so much like me and can't moderate food well. She always looks like she's going to cry or actually does cry when I say something because she is super sensitive (just like me!) but I am going to have to start putting my foot down more.  I don't want her to go through the problems I have had to face, mainly getting to be as big as I was.

Today I'm hoping will be super low key.  I'm tired  It's dreary out.  I already need a nap and it's only 8am, lol!

Since I didn't post yesterday, I'll write what I ate yesterday and what I plan to eat today:

Saturday Meal Plan:

Breakfast: Black coffee, 1/2 cup egg whites

Lunch: Ham and cheese salad with mayo, leftover soup

Supper: Pork chop sprinkled with garlic and parmesean, roasted garlic and red peppers

Sunday Meal Plan:

Breakfast: bulletproof coffee, 1/2 cup egg whites

Lunch: Cauliflower soup

Supper: If home- Loads of Caprese burger, salad, green beans

              If out-?

Big Whoop

Well, despite my hard work and efforts, I was down only half a pound yesterday.

The part of my brain what wants to indulge in my food addiction and binge is saying, "See, it doesn't really matter what you do, you can't lose weight so you may as well eat!"

The part of my brain that wants to get healthy and not eat badly anymore is saying, "It could be any number of things.  Your period is coming, you're retaining water, your body is still adjusting, too much sodium, no exercise, ect...  It could be anything.  Hang in there and you will eventually get the results you are looking for."

So I'm listening to the healthy part :)

Last night, supper was amazing!  I baked 4 little mounds of cheese so they were pliable and used a couple as taco shells.  They were full of holes and my hands were full of grease, but they were delish!!  Definately somethings I would save as a special non cheat Cheat, if that makes sense.  I'm still in the mind set that I want something special after weigh in but from now on, it will be something on my plan only, but not something I would eat every day.

I want to start exercising.  Really, I do.  This week, my left heel has been hurting so much that I can't even step on it at this point without being in agony.  I have been gingerly walking around to do my daily activities but it's getting worse.  I plan to soak and remove all the dead skin later to see if that helps.

I have also woken up twice now with Charlie horses.  I manage to stretch them out but man, they hurt.  I feel like I'm falling apart at 40.

Today I'm starting my turmeric today.  More specifically, I came up with a weird concoction to drink.  I call it Golden Coffee.  See, usually people take a golden tea, the turmeric and other ingredients in a glass of warmed milk.  I have decided to start drinking cashew milk again (1 carb/cup, 25 calories, no weird ingredients) and I will probably use that, but I really wanted coffee.  I added a teaspoon of coconut oil, a pinch of Himalayan sea salt, a little pepper, a teaspoon of turmeric and a cup of coffee.  Blended in the blender, poured into my mug and topped off with cashew milk.  It's....interesting.  Not the worst but you can't even taste the coffee.  I don't even know what it tastes like, lol!  It's.....interesting ;)  I think I'm going to make some golden paste and maybe I'll make a tutorial when I do.

Now, I don't know what I'm eating today.  Yes, I like to plan but we may possibly be going to a neighboring community about an hour away and will be eating out.  I don't know if it will be lunch or supper.  Maybe I'll call it meal A and mean B so I have an idea.  I also don't know where we're eating but I have come up with plans for our options.

Meal Plan:

Breakfast: Golden coffee, maybe some black coffee, some turkey slices with mayo

Meal A (eating out):

• Option 1: Pizza Delight: Quarter chicken dinner with salad bar, water
• Option 2: McDonalds: Bunless McDouble, large coffee with 3 cream
• Option 3: Subway: one of their salads, water

Meal B: Hamburgers and baked green beans